The Grandfather's Remedy

The Black Captain felt it coming before he could name it - that particular heaviness in the bones that announces illness the way fog announces morning.

He was on land when it struck, which was perhaps fortunate. Ships and sickness make poor companions, and no crew deserves a captain who can't tell port from starboard through fever-fog.

It started with a scratching in the throat. Then came the cough - dry at first, then productive in the way that makes a man grateful for privacy. His head felt stuffed with wool. His bones ached. The thermometer confirmed what his body already knew: fever, though not high enough to panic about.

"Flu," said the doctor at the clinic, after ruling out COVID with a test that made the Captain's eyes water. "Rest, fluids, over-the-counter symptom relief. It'll run its course in seven to ten days."

"The grandfather always said three days coming, three days staying, three days going," the Captain replied.

"Your grandfather was optimistic," the doctor said.

The Old Remedy

Back in his quarters - a small rented room near the port, spartan and functional - the Captain remembered his grandfather's remedy. Not his immediate grandfather, but his grandfather's grandfather, a man the Captain had never met but whose wisdom had been passed down like a ship passed down through generations.

The remedy was simple, or so the story went:

First: Rest. Give the body what it needs most - time and stillness.

Second: Eucalyptus or mint. Sharp, clarifying, opening airways that want to close.

Third: Clear alcohol, but not swallowed. Gargled and spat. The old man had claimed it killed viruses in the throat, contracted the cells, drove the sickness out before it could settle in.

And there was a fourth part, though this was whispered rather than proclaimed: smoking the strongest cigarettes to "enhance the body's natural coughing" and expel the invaders faster.

The Captain's great-grandfather had sworn by this remedy. Claimed he never suffered a cold longer than three days. Died at seventy-eight, which was old for his time, though the Captain noted he'd died of emphysema, which perhaps said something about the cigarettes.

The Science of Sickness

The Captain was a man who respected both tradition and truth. So before he followed the old remedy, he did what his great-grandfather never could: he looked up the science.

He started with the eucalyptus and mint bonbons, which he'd bought from the chemist on his way home.

What the research said: There was good evidence here. Menthol and eucalyptus oils activate TRPM8 receptors that create a cooling sensation and the feeling of easier breathing. Studies showed they improve subjective symptoms - patients feel better, sleep better, breathe more comfortably. (Schaper et al., 2022) A 2024 review in Inflammopharmacology confirmed eucalyptus oils' anti-inflammatory, antimicrobial, and bronchodilator effects. (Sadgrove et al., 2024)

The Captain unwrapped a eucalyptus bonbon and let it dissolve on his tongue. Sharp. Clarifying. Not a cure, but a comfort. The old wisdom had been right about this one.

The Alcohol Question

Next, he considered the alcohol. He had a bottle of clear schnapps - 40% alcohol, sharp enough to make him wince.

What the research said: Here the news was less encouraging. A 2021 randomized controlled trial on ethanol-based oral gargles found "no significant effect" on disease progression for COVID-19, and researchers specifically stated they "do not recommend the use of ethanol based oral antiseptic solution." (Elwakil et al., 2021)

Another study testing various gargle formulations found alcohol was less effective than simple salt water. (Muñoz-Basagoiti et al., 2021)

The problem, as one analysis put it, was that alcohol's virucidal properties work in laboratory conditions but fail in the throat: rapid dilution by saliva, mucosal barriers protecting virus-infected cells, and insufficient contact time all limit effectiveness.

The Captain poured a small measure of schnapps anyway. He swished it around his mouth - sharp, burning, contracting. He gargled briefly, then spat it into the sink.

Did it kill viruses? Probably not.

Did it make his throat feel momentarily cleaner, more attended-to? Yes.

Was that placebo? Perhaps. But placebo isn't worthless when you're sick and miserable and want to feel like you're doing something.

The Coughing Debate

As the Captain's illness progressed, the cough became productive. Mucus - thick and discolored, evidence of his immune system working.

The old remedy had said: cough it all out. Don't swallow it down. Get the bad stuff out.

What the research said: This was complicated. Medical literature showed that it doesn't really matter whether you spit or swallow phlegm for recovery purposes. (Medical News Today, 2024) Stomach acid breaks down bacteria in swallowed phlegm harmlessly. Spitting isn't better for recovery, though many people prefer it.

As for expectorants - medications meant to help expel mucus - the evidence was genuinely mixed. Some studies showed guaifenesin helped chronic respiratory conditions (Zanasi et al., 2017); others found its effects equivalent to placebo. (Rubin, 2007)

The Captain's body wanted to cough, so he let it cough. When he could reach a tissue or the sink, he spat. When he couldn't, he swallowed. His body seemed to handle both with equal indifference.

The Dangerous Addition

The fourth part of the remedy - smoking strong cigarettes - was the one the Captain dismissed immediately, even before checking the research.

But he checked anyway, because truth matters.

What the research said: Every study was unanimous: smoking makes viral infections worse. A Yale study found smokers' immune systems overreact to influenza, causing excessive inflammation and tissue damage even while clearing the virus successfully. (Gualano et al., 2008) A 2024 study showed cigarette smoke disrupts respiratory microbiota and aggravates flu severity. (Sussan et al., 2024)

Smokers don't just get sicker - they die more often during influenza epidemics.

The Captain thought about his great-grandfather, who'd sworn by this remedy and died struggling to breathe. Perhaps that man who'd once visited the ship and suggested the cigarettes had known this - or perhaps he'd learned it too late, after the damage was done and he "never came back."

Some wisdom isn't wisdom at all. Some traditions persist not because they work, but because the people who tried them didn't survive long enough to correct the record.

The Wisdom That Remains

The Captain's flu lasted eight days - not the three his great-grandfather had promised, but close enough to the doctor's prediction.

What helped?

Rest. The oldest medicine. He slept twelve hours some days, let his body direct its energy to healing rather than walking or working.

The eucalyptus bonbons. They didn't cure anything, but they made breathing feel easier, sleep more possible.

Fluids. Water, tea, soup. Simple and effective.

Time. The most honest medicine of all.

What didn't help?

The alcohol gargling. Pleasant theater, perhaps, but scientifically unsupported.

Fighting the body's timeline. The virus had its schedule; willpower couldn't shorten it.

On the eighth day, the Captain woke without fever. The cough lingered - it would for another week - but the bone-deep exhaustion had lifted. He could think clearly again. The fog had burned off.

The Lesson

The Boatswain visited on the ninth day, found the Captain up and dressed, though still moving carefully.

"The old remedy work?" he asked.

"Parts of it," the Captain said. "The mint helped. The rest helped most. The alcohol was tradition pretending to be medicine."

"And the cigarettes?"

"The cigarettes were just poison. Always were. Some men died before they could warn us."

The Boatswain nodded. "So what's the real remedy?"

"Rest when sick. Breathe eucalyptus if it helps you breathe. Drink water. Wait. Trust your body more than your great-grandfather's ghost."

"Not much of a recipe."

"No," the Captain agreed. "But it's honest. And honesty is better medicine than most traditions."

He picked up his woolen hat - laundered during his illness, now clean and ready. "Besides," he added, "the real wisdom from the grandfathers wasn't the recipe itself. It was this: when you're sick, stop everything else and let your body do its work. That part was right."

"Think you're ready for sea?"

"Tomorrow," the Captain said. "Today I'm still healing."

The Boatswain smiled. "Look at you. Getting wise."

"Getting old," the Captain corrected. "But old enough to know that not every old remedy deserves respect, and young enough to learn which parts to keep."

---

The Science Behind Traditional Remedies

The Captain's experience with his grandfather's remedy illustrates an important truth about traditional medicine: some elements contain genuine wisdom while others persist through repetition rather than effectiveness.

What Science Supports:

Menthol and Eucalyptus: Strong evidence shows these aromatics provide real symptom relief through receptor activation (TRPM8) and anti-inflammatory properties, though they work on subjective experience rather than objective airway measurements. (Schaper et al., 2022; Sadgrove et al., 2024)

Rest and Time: The immune system requires energy and time to fight infections effectively. Sleep quality significantly impacts recovery. (Besedovsky et al., 2019)

What Science Questions:

Alcohol Gargles: Multiple studies show ethanol-based gargles have no significant effect on viral infections, with effectiveness limited by rapid dilution, mucosal barriers, and insufficient contact time. (Elwakil et al., 2021; Muñoz-Basagoiti et al., 2021)

Expectorants: Evidence for medications like guaifenesin remains controversial, with some studies showing benefit in chronic conditions while others find effects equivalent to placebo. (Zanasi et al., 2017; Rubin, 2007)

Spitting vs. Swallowing Phlegm: Neither approach affects recovery speed; both are medically acceptable. (Medical News Today, 2024)

What Science Rejects:

Smoking During Respiratory Infection: Unanimous evidence shows smoking worsens viral infections through immune system overreaction, increased inflammation, microbiota disruption, and tissue damage. Smokers experience more severe symptoms and higher mortality during influenza epidemics. (Gualano et al., 2008; Sussan et al., 2024; Abadom et al., 2020)

The Captain's approach - testing traditional wisdom against modern evidence - demonstrates how we can honor our ancestors while using the knowledge they never had access to. Some remedies deserve to be passed down. Others deserve to be retired with respect, their failures acknowledged so future generations don't repeat them.